I care too much.

These past few days have been quite busy indeed.

I wrote a poem tonight, but then I ripped it up. I found beauty in destruction. I was on my way to the flea market today, but wound up in a Monster Truck convention instead... I didnt know there were so many fans haha. Once I finally made it to the actual flea market, I was surprised at how many old people were there. I dont know why, but I had something entirely different in my mind. Things smelled like old homes. Old stuff, and horses. I found two finds that I have been thinking about for quite a while. I was really excited about it.

After that, I went to Cheap thrills for some good thrifting. I didnt thrift after all though. I got into some deep discussions with the guy that works there. Turns out he smoked for fifteen years and recently quit. It was the hardest thing in his life to do. But, he did it. He is such a nice guy and knows me and remembers me, what I do, where I go and so on. Its hard to find that now-a-days.

Tonight, at the basketball game, I talked with a guy that is going through some of the same things I am. He has a broken home, has trouble finding himself. I see him, day to day, struggling. And I hate myself sometimes because I dont always reach out to help him. Tonight I did. I care about him. I care that he doesnt feel like he fits in. I care too much sometimes. Actually I just care too much, period. My heart continually swells. It hurts. I hurt for him. I hurt for my mom, and the guy that got picked on. The person that has lost their color for life. The old friend that wants nothing to do with me, yet I want everything to do with them. The new friend that had a terrible past. The acquaintance that deals with wayyy too much drama. I care about that teacher that struggles to keep their class together. I take in that friend that doesnt have a real home any more.

I let you in, because no one let me in.

and for that, my soul is on pins and needles.

my smile is slightly tainted by your frown

my laugh is a little darker, by your anger

my sigh is heavier, by your indifference




All of this is killing me. I dont know how much more I can take. When something is swept from you, what do you do?

I want so badly for the world to be right. For friends to stay friends, and lovers, lovers. I want so badly for you to see me, and I to see you.

Trust me, I see you.