Im really looking forward to having off an entire week of college next week. Thanks giving break is a godsend. I need to recharge and relax so I can come back to sanity. I got invited to start writing for this tea magazine and I am pretty apprehensive about it. I have never published any writing of mine and I honestly dont think its up to par. Kurt Vonnegut said about writing was, "write as if you are just talking out loud. You must have pity for your readers. Do not trust any other writing other than your own." Pretty weird advice but I kind of get it. He basically is saying have confidence and dont give a fuck. I think I could do that while I am writing the piece, but afterwards Ill be biting my nails to nubs and Ill be singing that nubs song by NOFX.... old school I know.

I had a pretty stressful weekend. I am not a very good host. I have an extremely tough time being the party planner, taking people from out of town and showing them a good time. I get to anxious, contsantly worry if they are enjoying themselves, and I am so aware of how lame I really am. I like simple things. Going to a coffee shop and drinking some expensive tea that uses chlorine tea bags, and then complain how expensive and pointless it was, but the atmosphere is so great and I just like being out of the house and around other strangers that like being out of their house in a coffee shop too. I like to thrift shop but only rarely because I dont want to look through the same clothes on the same hanger. It needs to cycle through for another month. I like to go onto of roofs and stare at the sky, pretending I know everything just by studying a speck of light. I like to drink wine and eat garlic bread and say yes with emphasis. I like to go try new, weird foods that most would just walk away and prey the food doesnt follow. I like to sleep too. sleep alot actually. Go to bed at a semi decent time, wake up just after the sun winks at you. Stuff like that, that other 19 year olds dont really necessarily like, (totally stereotyping). Most. and I guess I have credit because I have been to two large public colleges, that they just like to drink, drank, drunk. I meann, sure. I did that for a while, my senior year of high school and part of freshman year of college... but I am so done with that. Done with sleeping in stranger's coat closets, bathtubs, floors, kitchens etc. Im done with saying, hi whats your name, (says name), oh cool! talks for a bit. Next morning, I have no idea who that kid was or what his name is. Shit. Gave my number to said kid. DONE. I find no excitment or newness to it. Its stale beer. Its headaches and stench from cigarettes. Its greasy Ihop food thrown up because every right minded drunk wants to eat at three in the morning at Ihop. Its truth. Ive been there. I just wish I could find more people like me that grew up too fast. Who sees what I see and is cool with it and moves on. I have my dear, Patrick, who feels the exact same way. yet, he is only one... I want a groud of friends that really like vinyls and wants to go to a poetry slam. And save up to roadtrip to New Mexico and pretend we are local indians and we want mexican food and stay in Adobe houses.