1:15 am

So, I am working my first all night shift at the desk. Which, is kind of exciting (I dont know why). I just finished half a McCallister's sandwhich and I do believe that was the best thing that ever happened to me right there....

I keep thinking back on this past week and I have really dug myself out of the trenches. I went from complete self loathing to... give me the trident I have all the power in my life! It feels good, but I feel humble. I know how fragile relationships are, especially friendships because they are so much more liquid than committed relationships.

Also, I have been talking to patrick alot this week about when we move to Cherry St. I am SO OH SO excited to move. To have my OWN place with a dish washer, a sink, a stove, a bed bigger than my thigh, and most of all, privacy! Living in college suites and dorms are fun... but I can only live like a gypsy for so long. Moving my increasingly smaller and smaller stuff is getting way to efficient for my taste. I can pack, load and be on the road in less than thirty minutes flat. Thats sad people. I can move too easily. Its unnerving. I want a nest. I want to be momma bird, with no birdlings, with all my stuff in one place, I sleep in the same bed each night, I make stuff with stuff in a cupboard and can find the same stuff the next day. This sounds so so good. so good.

I want to handle tea for a living. It is so set in my mind it burns. I think about tea all the time. What should I try next? I cant wait to read my tea book some more, I wonder what tea Ill brew with my thanksgiving meal? I wish I had some right now. I wonder what qualifies a tea farmer to sell their tea to the collectives. I wonder how much fertilizer has been used this year. How will I ever EVER open a tea shop in this economy?... okay I know you probably stopped reading by now. You get the point. I just want to be fluent in zhongwen and travel and love and live and sell the most precious commodity on this planet, is that so much to ask??