Applebee's.. actually Apple Gold Group

I had my first day of training today and somehow I still have enough energy to post. It was probably one of the best days Ive had in a while. I say that as if prom never happened... or last week. Ive been really good lately actually. Now that I think about it, today is nothing compared to my past days.

On my first day, a cockroach crashed the dinner party on table eleven. The couple just laughed and said they are coming back for more... sometimes I wonder if people are sane, or if I am. If a cockroach is found within ten feet of my food, its over. I really enjoy working though! I cant wait for the tips to come rolling in. Fo sho.

As life has been on fast forward these past few weeks, Ive been able to write alot in the corners of notebooks and the backs of music sheets. I just never remember to bring them home to post.

There is something about being miserable that brings in a lot of inspiration to write. Whenever I smile, Id rather enjoy the day than writing about it. I still thinki and write in my head.. I just lack pen and paper. I wish I could get into the habit of always carrying something with me.


I thought about a really old memory today about my grandma. For somereason, she has really been on my mind. It was a night that I was sleeping beside her. She had woken up and was really sick. (I am going to try and not be very descriptive.. thinking about the picture of this makes me lose all feeling in my stomach). Black bile was seeping out of her mouth. She was REALLY sick. I didnt have the capacity to emotionally react to this. I just got up, turned on the light, and cut off her robe. I grabbed towels and a cup for her to expel the remaining black goo. she kept on saying my name as if I wasnt really there. I washed her down with rags and her favorite bath and body shampoo ans soap. Through out this ordeal, I had no feeling. I was in help mode I guess. I just kept going. I told her it was okay and normal for this to happen... but in reality it scared me shitless. What the hell was that?? I gave her a new robe that was cut in the back so her arms could slip through the sleeves and just lay ontop of her. She finally opened her eyes fully and just looked through me. Its as if she saw something in me, maybe something horrifying.. or just different to her that she had this puzzled and scared look on her face. She stared, clearly and deliberately into me. I thought I was naked. I thought my inner most feelings was brought out for her to examine. I think she saw the fear for her in my eyes and immediately regretted allowing her to look. She grabbed my hand and muttered something about sweet potatoes again and a thank you. "Thank you Erika, I love you". She is probably one of the few people I truly believe when they say that to me. I know she loves me, fear and all. For someone who has all the potential and right to be bitter about their situation, to reach out, STILL, and say they loved me... That really takes someone to mean that. It takes a person that knows what love feels like to say that. UNCONDITIONAL. AGAPE. love. I want to learn from her. I want to be like her in that regard.

If I ever get ovarian cancer or any other kind for that matter. Im signing the DNR sheet. I'll step on my own oxygen tube.


P.S. Boneless Buffalo wings at applebees is 1300 calories.. jussayin.