Stieg Larson is my hero.

I finally have the emotional energy to let myself write again. Gah.


I could sit here and talk about all that has happened, but that would take a few hours and a couple breaks for some good tears and laughing.

To sum in up. I am changed... for the better.

I started reading these books by stieg larson. The first one is called The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Lisbeth Salander is my new ulimate hero. SHe is everything I want to be in a way. Strong, resilient, smart, and is completely moral. She is strongly misunderstood and honestly I feel the same way. I find beauty in her that I strive to have. This doesnt make much sense if you havnt read the books... so Ill move on to something more understandable.

A girl with Salander's heart


I dont know how to
stay still long enough
for you to see what I
feel, in my gaze while you
gaze at something else,
in the length of my arms
barely long enough to hold you,
all mine.

I am not afraid of being alone.

I dont know how to
stay still long enough,
to be enough.
Im not looking for happiness
Im not looking for forgiveness

I am messed up just like the rest of us,
and damn, I am ashamed that I cant amount
to more in anyones life.

I am not afraid of being alone.

I dont know how to
stay still long enough
for pictures to develope
without that smear, a faceless
me with no bearing eyes to make you think.

or still long enough to hold those memories
closer in my mind, so that on nights like these
when the cicadas are thrumming faster than
my heart beat and the fuzz on the tv has
more cognitive thoughts than me,
I can walk back into the night
when coolers were flowing with fire works
and a red blanket had more significance than
a necklace.

I am not afraid of being alone...

Im afraid of having nothing to show for it.