1.25.11

One Day the World will Hug Us Back.
And tears will be wiped by the sands
from our porch welcome mats
and the arms of supermarkets and
Parking tickets will reach out
and hold our hands instead of
crushing them.

One day the World will Hug Us Back.

New

So, I am now going to University of Tulsa.

So far so good right?

Im excited to be starting new again, but I am also sad to know I am leaving behind good friends. Ana was my roomate at OU and I have grown to love her so much. She was my best friend down there and god, it makes me so sad that I wont finish the year with her. She helped me stay sane. well.. as sane as possible I guess.

I saw my room today... it definately needs some of my things in there to make it feel more like home. I hope my new roomate will work out. Im only used to Ana and her firey hispanic attidude : )

I have my classes picked out as well : D

Im taking

Chinese II
China/Japan since 1800 ( four 400 page books to devour...OH MY)
Statistics
Business Technology ( 101 for Spread Sheets and Filing..)
Plants and Society (background for my future tea business!)

There you go.. My life till May 7th, see you then.I really wanted to take another poetry class, there was one available, Russian Poetry, which I wanted REALLY badly...
I cant take it becuase I am in the College of Business... its only for people in Arts and Sciences. poop.

Well, I have nothing really deep to say today. Ive been on edge and I am not ready to confront that yet.

Dear confused audience, I can explain.

Didnt turn my right blinker on
but at least I used the right lane.
I tie myself in ties and ties
and I really cant explain.

Understanding the understanding
is okay with me
but, what do I do when
there is no understanding me?

Find myself and find myself
looking at airplanes,
and skies and clouds
and meaningless things.

I try to stop the cigarette breathe
from reaching my brain,
but it takes those five minute breaks,
and I make no change.

Im as lady like as a lumberjack
with shaved legs; Im graceful
like a damn turtle race.

the one thing good, the one thing
that I could only hope for
is the people who love me anyways.

Pocahontas told me to do it.

Well... its 2011. I know its redundant to say because who wouldnt know. Everyone knows as of today, the second day of the new year, and to top it off its a Sunday. Sunday's are the worst for me. Always. Its not a choice for me, its a garauntee. I sound like a Sunday miser, after all it has sun in the name... yet it seems to always show the opposite to me. I dont really cause it or look for trouble on this particular day. Trouble and grief always finds me. (points for cliche statement).

So, this first important few days of the new year alows people to step into retrospect of their past one. Examine, regret, marvel, etc. I jumped into the band wagon as well and looked back. All my previous posts were from 2010 and I must say most of them are depressing. I find myself blogging most times when I am sad, angry, contemplative and cynical. However, today I am almost emotionless. Its as if the new year granted my wish and said, "Here Erika, smoke some cigarettes, look back, and thank god you dont feel anything today." Im not really numb as I would hope to describe this emotion, its with out color... but it isnt numb. Maybe objective nostalgic, if those adjectives even make sense. Im so glad its a new year, hoping for new things. Yes yes. Last year... 2010... was a very calculated lesson for me from some higher power I believe, what ever that that power is. Or like Pocahontas, the wind taught me and mother tree delivered with great enthusiasm. 2010 was like chapters of a thriller kids book. Started out scary, frightening and made me grow from three foot tall to five foot tall with a sports bra. Then tragically sad, with only ham to feed me and wonderful friends to support my ongoing journey. Summer kissed my skin and was really the only kiss I got. August jump started my heart and made me feel loved again and as all kid stories go, it ended with a happy ending to chicago and alchohol poisoning.

To patrick: I love you so so so much. I want nothing but happiness for you and I am so lucky to share our lives together. You are my best friend and lover.

Ive written alot, but for some reason i feel really shy in sharing it. Maybe Ive made it wayy to personal, but maybe something light hearted will come to me soon. Something that has nothing to do with me.

Things I am not resolution-ing about but just want to do for this year list


Mandolin fixed and play
More and more dresses
work hard on finding an internship for tea
write alot more
quit snoring after I drink
sneeze more, because i like it
visit a beach
read some classics
adventures

This is why

I dont talk to her anymore. We have had many failed attempts at having lunch or coffee and it always left me hanging. but I just found out she broke up with her long, long relationship with a very not nice guy.. IM SO PROUD OF HER. She showed courage and I wish she knew how happy I am for her. I knew she wasnt treated right, she deserved alot ALOT better. Someone who loved her for who she was. For her funny jokes, for her smile, for what she does for them. I just wish I was her best friend again. I know that sounds sappy but there is always that one friend you wish you didnt lose in touch with? or am I crazy? I wish I could just erase July and replace it with a cooler month... like november or april. Tempers were so hot.
Well, here's to the past. I wish the best for you. Always.

Wo xihuan chi fan.

Meaning, I like food. I love food.
Its flavor, its texture, its something filling and makes you all cuddly and happy. But... now that I am almost done with my Food and Power class... food makes me want to just run away. All the controversies and GMO foods, Monsanto and stuff like that... food has just become another political subject to me. Im kinda of disappointed. actually, Im extremely disappointed. Food sucks. or at least the people that provide it for us. Thank you Food Inc. for making me gag a little over McDonalds and steak.

On a better note, I finished two tests today, Calc and Chinese. YES. I feel accomplished.


Im making a collage of fortune cookie fortunes... so if you have any lying around send them my way!

My poetry notebook is in my car with all my poems and I am way too lazy to go out into the parking lot and get it. So no poem yet, but they are coming sooooon!

Give yourself, so others will give too

OHHHH WOW. I have not posted in a record long time..

I dont even know what to say. I dont really want to go back and review my day, Im kinda tired of just looking inside myself. Ive been in my head for too long. Thinking. thinking. awake. no sleeping. thinking. I want to talk about the future... somewhat.

Im very happy the holidays are here : ) I am going to chicago in two and a half weeks and Im STOKED. Partrick and I and the windy city. A couple retreat. YES. Its like something from the movies. I just want it to go right, like what plays in my head you know? Seems like things like this are planned for real life and somehow it turns out not the way expected whatsoever. Cross your fingers. I believe it will, or it will be better than imagined. That must be it. for sure.

OU is not my cup of tea. period. TU is where its at.


and now... for a list.


LIST


live in seattle
own tea company
have a great dane
walk great dane along Puget Sound
travel to china
eat something crazy
come back
to the love of my life
he will work on a ship
hopefully, if he wants
take my blonde, curly haired two year old son and pick blueberries
eat blueberries every day, at least one, just one
kiss every day, meaningfully
write my heart
tattoo will already be a sleeve with flowers and forget-me-nots and also, one on my ear, a bee.
live moderately
meditate
make another list.