This is why

I dont talk to her anymore. We have had many failed attempts at having lunch or coffee and it always left me hanging. but I just found out she broke up with her long, long relationship with a very not nice guy.. IM SO PROUD OF HER. She showed courage and I wish she knew how happy I am for her. I knew she wasnt treated right, she deserved alot ALOT better. Someone who loved her for who she was. For her funny jokes, for her smile, for what she does for them. I just wish I was her best friend again. I know that sounds sappy but there is always that one friend you wish you didnt lose in touch with? or am I crazy? I wish I could just erase July and replace it with a cooler month... like november or april. Tempers were so hot.
Well, here's to the past. I wish the best for you. Always.

Wo xihuan chi fan.

Meaning, I like food. I love food.
Its flavor, its texture, its something filling and makes you all cuddly and happy. But... now that I am almost done with my Food and Power class... food makes me want to just run away. All the controversies and GMO foods, Monsanto and stuff like that... food has just become another political subject to me. Im kinda of disappointed. actually, Im extremely disappointed. Food sucks. or at least the people that provide it for us. Thank you Food Inc. for making me gag a little over McDonalds and steak.

On a better note, I finished two tests today, Calc and Chinese. YES. I feel accomplished.


Im making a collage of fortune cookie fortunes... so if you have any lying around send them my way!

My poetry notebook is in my car with all my poems and I am way too lazy to go out into the parking lot and get it. So no poem yet, but they are coming sooooon!

Give yourself, so others will give too

OHHHH WOW. I have not posted in a record long time..

I dont even know what to say. I dont really want to go back and review my day, Im kinda tired of just looking inside myself. Ive been in my head for too long. Thinking. thinking. awake. no sleeping. thinking. I want to talk about the future... somewhat.

Im very happy the holidays are here : ) I am going to chicago in two and a half weeks and Im STOKED. Partrick and I and the windy city. A couple retreat. YES. Its like something from the movies. I just want it to go right, like what plays in my head you know? Seems like things like this are planned for real life and somehow it turns out not the way expected whatsoever. Cross your fingers. I believe it will, or it will be better than imagined. That must be it. for sure.

OU is not my cup of tea. period. TU is where its at.


and now... for a list.


LIST


live in seattle
own tea company
have a great dane
walk great dane along Puget Sound
travel to china
eat something crazy
come back
to the love of my life
he will work on a ship
hopefully, if he wants
take my blonde, curly haired two year old son and pick blueberries
eat blueberries every day, at least one, just one
kiss every day, meaningfully
write my heart
tattoo will already be a sleeve with flowers and forget-me-nots and also, one on my ear, a bee.
live moderately
meditate
make another list.

I met them smart, they layed down numb.

As I sit between geniuses

and as I lay between sheets

staring at the popcorn ceiling,

I start to realize that

it is all fucking the same.

every pizza is round,

every mind is in our head.

Life is worth living where

light shines between blinds

and philosohical discussions

are left for Yangming and Socrates

in dirt.

in a coffin.

six feet under.

We both can not solve the world

and the world will not solve us.

Tomorrow

I can't bring myself to realize that tomorrow is really important. I have to go testify and I wont share what it's about. I just need an outlet.. so here we go.

Ive been having nightmares every night about tomorrow, yet I dont really believe it will actually happen. It is as if Im anticipating something that wont really happen.. but it has to. Its hard to explain.

Im at a point in my life where every decision matters, that people will judge me for who I am with and what I do. What drugs are taken or what hair style I wear. Its what I study and what I do in my free time. I dont understand why some choose to consciously declare someone not a friend any more. I guess Im a loyal person. Once a friend, always a friend. This is me. I guess I put myself in other peoples shoes too often. Maybe I need to wear mine in first? Who fucking cares. I honestly am tired of worrying about everyone else. Who truly worries about me, the way I do for others? Wow, rant is over. Sorry for that pile of shit in text.

Ill probably delete this so cherish it while it is here.

Life is lived in the middle, not the extremes.

Wow, scary.

Its scary what comes out
the corner of my mouth.
What corn puff cheese
crumbles lurk, saying
that my lack of awareness
makes me look like a bafoon.
Whispered secrets and
wobbly kisses surround
my daily life.
Style is not an option here.

Toothpaste stains show
what attempts I have at
keeping my words clean
my body grows dirtier
as the days of growing
up become stronger.

How texting the one person
that makes your life shine
brighter than that classroom light
illuminating more than a rave party
and then recieving a soft and polite,
lovely reply.

It scary what tears drip to the corner
of my mouth, dripping like
that empt grey sink
in your kitchen and
your insides crinkle
like that bag of sun chips
I just emtied with
wolverine fingers and mouth
wide like a coffee stir straw.

It's freaky that I want you to stir me.
pour a little creamer hugs
and sugar cube kisses into
that wide steaming cup
behind my lungs. Drink it slow
taste every sip as if the world
would never end, that Time is
just a misspelled spice.
Drink, drink my cup.

Its scary what I can hold
in the corner of my mouth.

Its a monotone world with little to do but fly

I have so much to say
to that bug in my lamp
flitting and flying as if
it were the sun revovling
around him.

what a selfish bug.