Foals and metaphysics.

I woke up in my own bed today. In my old home.. wow. I slept really well, body knows, it really does.

I go through phases where I dont feel like listening to music... at all... scary right?

It turns into an NPR obsession and I listen to poetry tuesday nights and stories on monday nights and on wednesday I wake up early to listen to BBC news and so forth. Im more interested what is happening in the world, than actually listening to it..
I woke up as I stated earlier and decided to listen to a new band, haphazardly chosen from an itunes playlist and broke.

broke NPR to bits and pieces once again.

I am listening world. I am listening.

Thank you Foals- Spanish Sahara. You opened my ears and closed my eyes.

2/8/11

I carry guilt,

as if I were a camel

carrying water.



I was a bitch,

was. one once.

was. one.



If I could carry the scars,

ripped up inside you

I would let my body

rip twice over.

thrice over.



Pain mirrors beauty

in the eyes of the painful,

disgust mirrors me

in my eyes, they are painful.

A feeling indescribable.

So there's this blizzard right? And it made TU cancel.... I want to give a formal thank you to the weather men who so proudly stand in front of that green screen and explain that I can sleep in, probably for the rest of the week. Id also like to thank mother nature for giving us tough love and a cold hand of a blizzard, thank you very much.

Sleeping arrangements lately have caused my body to be a bit confused. I stay at Patrick's apartment for about half the week and the other at my dorm. I think the N S E W coordinates are causing my sleep to go out the door. Although, I woke up one night and felt a feeling Ive experienced most of my life. Okay, here's were its going to get confusing because I cant explain this very well.

I wake up, and I feel as if I'm the pebble in a pond, and all these ripples of epiphanies are flowing from me. Its like a "who am I and what does me even mean?" moments but much more in depth or abstract. Its like I see my self from space and know how small I am compared to everything, even the man lying next to me who I love so dearly. I feel so small compared to him compared to the plug in outlet near my feet. This feeling pulses until something shakes me, like Patrick's notorious mumbling and conversations in his sleep.



I wish I could explain this better. I feel like its something from Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind kind of feel with a galaxy element and V for Vendetta outer worldly experience. You know, when you realize everything comes together. Its when the Detective guy puts all the pieces together and realizes that the "good" guys are the bad guys, and V is the good guy. He feels apart of something so so much bigger than himself.


Anyways, I had this wonderful cup of tea the other day, Monkey Picked Oolong. It was so mellow yet, tasted like what holy water would taste like. Definitely selling Monkey Picked when I have my tea business.

1.25.11

One Day the World will Hug Us Back.
And tears will be wiped by the sands
from our porch welcome mats
and the arms of supermarkets and
Parking tickets will reach out
and hold our hands instead of
crushing them.

One day the World will Hug Us Back.

New

So, I am now going to University of Tulsa.

So far so good right?

Im excited to be starting new again, but I am also sad to know I am leaving behind good friends. Ana was my roomate at OU and I have grown to love her so much. She was my best friend down there and god, it makes me so sad that I wont finish the year with her. She helped me stay sane. well.. as sane as possible I guess.

I saw my room today... it definately needs some of my things in there to make it feel more like home. I hope my new roomate will work out. Im only used to Ana and her firey hispanic attidude : )

I have my classes picked out as well : D

Im taking

Chinese II
China/Japan since 1800 ( four 400 page books to devour...OH MY)
Statistics
Business Technology ( 101 for Spread Sheets and Filing..)
Plants and Society (background for my future tea business!)

There you go.. My life till May 7th, see you then.I really wanted to take another poetry class, there was one available, Russian Poetry, which I wanted REALLY badly...
I cant take it becuase I am in the College of Business... its only for people in Arts and Sciences. poop.

Well, I have nothing really deep to say today. Ive been on edge and I am not ready to confront that yet.

Dear confused audience, I can explain.

Didnt turn my right blinker on
but at least I used the right lane.
I tie myself in ties and ties
and I really cant explain.

Understanding the understanding
is okay with me
but, what do I do when
there is no understanding me?

Find myself and find myself
looking at airplanes,
and skies and clouds
and meaningless things.

I try to stop the cigarette breathe
from reaching my brain,
but it takes those five minute breaks,
and I make no change.

Im as lady like as a lumberjack
with shaved legs; Im graceful
like a damn turtle race.

the one thing good, the one thing
that I could only hope for
is the people who love me anyways.

Pocahontas told me to do it.

Well... its 2011. I know its redundant to say because who wouldnt know. Everyone knows as of today, the second day of the new year, and to top it off its a Sunday. Sunday's are the worst for me. Always. Its not a choice for me, its a garauntee. I sound like a Sunday miser, after all it has sun in the name... yet it seems to always show the opposite to me. I dont really cause it or look for trouble on this particular day. Trouble and grief always finds me. (points for cliche statement).

So, this first important few days of the new year alows people to step into retrospect of their past one. Examine, regret, marvel, etc. I jumped into the band wagon as well and looked back. All my previous posts were from 2010 and I must say most of them are depressing. I find myself blogging most times when I am sad, angry, contemplative and cynical. However, today I am almost emotionless. Its as if the new year granted my wish and said, "Here Erika, smoke some cigarettes, look back, and thank god you dont feel anything today." Im not really numb as I would hope to describe this emotion, its with out color... but it isnt numb. Maybe objective nostalgic, if those adjectives even make sense. Im so glad its a new year, hoping for new things. Yes yes. Last year... 2010... was a very calculated lesson for me from some higher power I believe, what ever that that power is. Or like Pocahontas, the wind taught me and mother tree delivered with great enthusiasm. 2010 was like chapters of a thriller kids book. Started out scary, frightening and made me grow from three foot tall to five foot tall with a sports bra. Then tragically sad, with only ham to feed me and wonderful friends to support my ongoing journey. Summer kissed my skin and was really the only kiss I got. August jump started my heart and made me feel loved again and as all kid stories go, it ended with a happy ending to chicago and alchohol poisoning.

To patrick: I love you so so so much. I want nothing but happiness for you and I am so lucky to share our lives together. You are my best friend and lover.

Ive written alot, but for some reason i feel really shy in sharing it. Maybe Ive made it wayy to personal, but maybe something light hearted will come to me soon. Something that has nothing to do with me.

Things I am not resolution-ing about but just want to do for this year list


Mandolin fixed and play
More and more dresses
work hard on finding an internship for tea
write alot more
quit snoring after I drink
sneeze more, because i like it
visit a beach
read some classics
adventures